LET IT GO....

I have to vent.... I don't want this to sound as if I'm paranoid or sensitive, but there are some things
that I don't like.

Ronnie and Meredith are still making their little snide comments and giving each other these little looks. It's like I'm on the outside of their little circle. They talk about things that I don't even know about. If I ask, they ignore me. If I start to say something, they interrupt or they say they don't really care. Meredith is really bad about talking smart or calling me down! Her dad farts at the table (so does she), or slides down in his recliner and farts and stinks the entire room up, and she never calls him down. Tonight, my stomach was a little upset and I had gas, and you would have thought I had farted out loud in church. My gosh.... I went for over a year and could not fart, because of the problems I was having with diarrhea, it's actually a relief to be able to pass gas. It's a constant pick, complain or criticize.

Yesterday was Easter Sunday (3/27/16), and we had to sing for all 3 services and be there, in our seat, by 7:45am. It was raining and cold, but we were doing great on the time. However, for some reason, Ronnie was driving like a maniac (as usual). He was in the left lane, that bears to the right to go to 26 and to the church or you can stay straight and go to Greenville. Well, for some unknown reason, he stayed in the lane to go straight, and I told him that he needed to watch where he was going, and he said "I'm in the groove!" Oh no he wasn't, he ran over the markers in the road that let you know you've missed the turn and then into a big hole. We bumped up and down and then he finally got back into the lane. The tire pressure light came on, and half way over the bridge to get down on 26.... the left rear tire went flat. I didn't mention until later, that my foot had gone up under the dash. I have a bruise on the top of my foot. But that's not the bad part.... the rim is bent and the spare looks like it came off of a junk heap!! We called Justin, he came and picked us up and we were at church in plenty of time. SO THERE WAS NO REASON FOR HIM TO BE DRIVING LIKE AN IDIOT!!
He says, that the light from my mirror had blinded him and that the car in the right lane had tried to cut him off!! HE IS SO FULL OF SHIT AND HE WILL NEVER EVER TAKE THE BLAME FOR HIS STUPIDIY!! MY TIRE IS FLAT AND THE RIM IS BENT, and if I had been driving, he would still be raising hell. Did Miss Sissy say anything? Oh hell no, but she would have been chewing me out too!!

Now to the neighbors. I know that I said some really horrible things, a few weeks back, when Mindy was cussing at Jeff, yelling and screaming about Meredith's classmates parking over in their yard. I should have just left for my LBJ dinner, and not have gone over there. But, Meredith was so upset and embarrassed, and this was the second time that Mindy had made a big scene in front of Meredith's friends, even going so far as to call some of them "niggers!" I really tried to talk to Mindy, but she started screaming and cussing and beating on the inside of my car window.  I let myself get pulled down, I lost control and I AM SO SO VERY SORRY!!  I have apologized, Mindy apologized, and I apologized to Jeff in a text message, because I haven't seen him. I spoke to them at Phoenix's party and I have waved to them from the porch. I even sent them an anniversary text. Today Parker was swinging Rush outside. I called out.... "Hey Parker!" I said it twice, then I kind of yelled it. He looked at me and said.... "What?" I yelled it again and waved, he just turned his head and mumbled "hey." Another thing, Justin and Jordan act like I have upset them, but I can't think of anything. Then.... I realized.... they are upset and embarrassed about what happened and the things I said.

I WAS WRONG.... I AM SO SORRY!!  I am not perfect, I lost control.

PLEASE DEAR HEAVENLY FATHER.... PLEASE FORGIVE ME.... I WAS WRONG.... I AM SO SORRY.

2016.... You have to be better than last year....

It's 8 minutes past nine o'clock on New Year's Eve. In about 3 hours we will begin a new year.... 2016.

If I were to really think about time, it could be depressing and a little scary. But, I'm just glad to still be here. I am so thankful for the Lord's blessings.... my family and friends, my precious fur babies, a beautiful home, a really nice car. Food and clothing and the awesome way He provided for us, even when I did not get my disability. He knows, it's in His plan. I can apply for early retirement and began to receive social security benefits, and of course that will be a big help. So.... I trust the Lord. I may not understand His timing, but He will provide.

Christmas 2015 was awesome. My family came on the 19th, with the exception of Justin and Jordan, and Casey and Jott. All of the kids had a ball and we just enjoyed watching them. On Christmas Eve, the Walls came, with the exception of John, Roberta and Cass. Roberta has alzheimers, and even though she has been on a new med that has kept the progression of the disease to a slower pace, when it finally stops working, she then progresses to the stage that she would already be. It's sad, knowing that Christmas 2014, will probably be the last time we see her.

Also, Pudge is in the CCU at Regional, but we don't know anything that is going on. All of this time, we were under the impression that his not keeping in touch with us, was Casey's decision. However, we have found out that it's his decision. Looking back, I should have realized it, because he never returned phone messages or text messages but I just couldn't believe it. We have been through so much, good and bad, over the last 41 years. I was shocked and very angry that he would just throw all of that time away, but whatever. He never stood up for himself and when the divorce was finalized, he chose to stay in the past, grieving over his loss, and not making any effort to move on. I know for a fact that it's not easy, but you have to go forward, to move on with your life.

A week or so before Christmas, my cousin Deana, text me and said that she and the kids were packed up and coming this way, could they stay here with us for a few days? I already knew that this was going to cause a big problem, but Ronnie was trying to be so caring, because she and Jeff are separated, and he knows that they were going through so much, and probably needed a break.

I won't go into much detail, because quite frankly, I am still reeling from her visit, and believe you me, my home will never be open to her ever again. First of all, it's about a 4.5 hour trip and they left at 1:00pm, or so. After several phone calls to get them back on the right road (they have a GPS), they came rolling in about 9:30pm. When she finally got out of the car, she looked like some wild woman, with her red hair all frizzy and sticking out all over her head.

For 2.5 days.... Ronnie prepared 3 meals a day and Meredith cleaned. She also picked up behind the 3 of them and did their laundry!! Who the hell goes to someone's house to visit and has the host do their laundry and wait on them hand and foot? They ate our food and snacks and drank our soft drinks, when all of the time they had their own stash in their room!! Deana has a yeast infection and everywhere she walked or sat, there was powder everywhere!!

Here's the kicker.... she talked non-stop, without a breath, the entire time she was here. We couldn't follow anything she was talking about, because she was talking about people we didn't know and she relived every conversation she had ever had with these people. She would be talking, and suddenly she would drop down to a whisper, as if someone was going to overhear what she was saying. She even fell asleep right in the middle of one of her stories, but her mouth was open and she was still moving her lips. OMG.... we all kept counting down the hours until they would leave.

While they were here, she opened and rummaged through the closet in Justin's old room and in mama's bathroom. Then she would call the kids to the side and whisper. We found out the reason, after they left.... Meredith's little gold plated, engraved birthstone bracelet, that my mama gave her, is missing. It's not the monetary value, but the sentimental value and just the principal of the thing.

People drive me up the wall, even my own family at times, but for someone to invite themselves into your home, eat you out of house and home, take advantage of your hospitality and then steal from you.... NEVER EVER AGAIN!! Not no, but HELL NO!! I'm finished.

2016.... has to be a better year....

Tis the Season

We're just a few days away from Christmas 2015. It seems like only yesterday that we were anticipating Christmas 2014.

Physically, this year has been so difficult. I have been so sick from the pain and fatigue of fibromyalgia, that I haven't felt well enough to go anywhere. I have not been able to go to  church for so many weeks, that I'm not even in the choir. Since Thanksgiving, I have had asthmatic bronchitis and have pulled another muscle in my tummy, coughing so violently. Unfortunately, the outcome is similar to before, but not as serious. I did have my Pro-time checked, and the count is great (3.1), but I need to keep a watch on the bruising. I am so exhausted.

On the upside.... I have been able to go with Ronnie on two out of town service calls. The first trip, we went to Tennessee, Indiana, Ohio and Kentucky. While in Kentucky, we were able to have dinner with my dear friend, Pam. This past week, we went to Virginia, you know, the state "for lovers." We had such a wonderful time, both trips. It was very relaxing.... I missed Meredith and the babies, but it was great. I hope to be able to do that more often.

Also, Meredith finished up her final exam on Thursday, and she is now officially a college Senior!! Her professors have commented on what an excellent student she is, and that she is a natural teacher. We are so proud of her accomplishments, and the fact that she is a wonderful young woman.

Lord, I give you the praise and the glory for all that you have blessed us with. I pray for your protection, over us all, and for your guidance. Forgive me Lord for my failures and continue to lead me in the way you want me to go.

Mama Needs A New Pair of Shoes....

It's 12:30am Thanksgiving morning and I'm sitting here waiting for my
meds to kick in and watching my favorite movie.... "My Cousin Vinny."

Yesterday I worked in my "office" and actually made a little progress
getting things put in their place. We moved my desk a few weeks back,
out of the front of the house and put it in Meredith's old room. Ronnie
didn't like the way it looked. The front room looks very inviting now
and I will have my own little space to keep the way I want.

Ronnie decided to sell his trains and some of his cars. A guy came this
morning and bought some of his cars. I'm not sure how much he got,
but the first thing he did was, tear his train set down and then went to
Lowe's and bought some wood, to build work benches and make his
hobby room bigger. Of course he and money are soon parted, and it's
always spent on whatever he wants to spend it on. We have to stick
to the budget, and we better not go and buy anything. He actually
complained about ordering Meredith's college ring. Bless her heart,
she works like a damn dog and she offered to pay for half of the cost
of the ring!! OMG!! She did shop around on the internet and found
the ring for much less than she would have had to pay through the
school. That's the way Meredith does things anyway, she shops around
for bargains. No matter what, she's got his back.

I was so pissed, because it's always money. He even gripes, because of
the cost of my meds.... asshole. I have tried very hard not to say anything
that will cause a fuss, because they bitch and gripe enough as it is. But,
I took $40 dollars out of his wallet, and this may come back to bite me in
the ass. I'm sure there will surely be a big blow out, but I don't care.
 I've been needing some Sunday shoes for a good while. I have been wearing
Meredith's Danskos for a couple of years, but she wants them back to wear
when she starts teaching, so I'm going to go and buy me some fucking shoes.

YOU NEED TO....

It's very late and I may not post everything I would like to say, but here we go....

Things are very confusing at times. There have been times when there are no little smart remarks or rumblings and we actually get along. Then of course.... things go back to normal or abnormal, depends on how you look at it.

Because I have gained 30 pounds, since last year's 68 pound loss, the topic of every day is.... losing weight, cutting down portions and exercising. Every days it's.... "You need to cut back your portions."  "You need to get up and walk or, do some kind of exercise." Oh, I agree, but they know as well as I do that, my thyroid dosage was lowered, and that always leads to weight gain. Dr Tuttle even apologized for not listening to me.

For now, I'll end with the things they say or do.... I'm hurt, but mostly I'm angry!!

"We don't really care."
"We live with an old person."
"You don't need a second helping."
"It doesn't matter if we eat cookies and chips in front of you."
"You will have to eat what we eat, just smaller portions. We're not cooking anything different for you."

And the ultimate slap in the face....
When Ronnie is traveling and he calls me on Face Time.... He looks into the camera and actually blows out his cheeks to make his face bigger, mocking me, and never paying attention to what I'm even saying.

He's in Georgia tonight, and he was blowing out his cheeks while I was trying to talk to him, it really pisses me off. I'm suppose to call him at 8:30 to wake him up,,,, bullshit, he can get his self up.

I'm very tired.... So so tired.

HAVE YOU EVER HAD....?

I posted on FB.... "Have you ever had one of those days, that leads into one of those weeks, that
seems to be leading into the weekend and into another week?" Well by golly.... I have!!

There are still the snippy little comments and their reply is "I was just kidding!" Okay, I was saying the other night at dinner, that happy people live longer, and Meredith looked at her dad and said.... "I guess you had better pray for her to die!" She was kidding? Seriously?

Then there are the same old tired comments, the little looks and the smirks. I have more of these remarks posted on my phones, but it's charging, so I'm posting this from memory. I just don't get it. I know that I can be annoying and bitchy.... I am so sorry, but give me a break. Meredith is forever complaining about my swallowing too loudly. I looked this up, and there is a actually a problem that happens between the ages of 10 and 12 years old, where a person is more sensitive to people chewing and swallowing. That's in my phone too, I guess I will make corrections later.

My knees hurt so badly.... I am so tired and I have been having times when my eyes begin to feel strangely, my vision blurs a little and, my left eye droops, for a few seconds and then I feel dizzy. This all passes, with the exception of the knee pain, in a brief few minutes, so pardon me if I'm not always in a good mood.

Well.... to add insult to injury.... we had an incident to happen with the neighbors. For whatever reason, Mindy decided to buy another dog, a 2 year old chihuahua/terrier mix. Now why in the world do they need another dog? Poor Tater is locked in the laundry room, they allowed poor little Duke to die of dehydration and sun exposer, and Chief ran off and was killed by a car. Not exactly a great track record when it comes to pets, but now we have Cam.

Parker has always been challenging in fact he needs a good ass whipping and sent to his room, with the exception of meals and bathroom breaks and school attendance. No tv, no football, absolutely no activities with the exception of chores.

Parker picks on Petey all of the time. He will call Pete into the fence at the patio, locks the gate and then teases him. He takes things away from Pete and makes Pete chase after him. Poor baby, he thinks Parker is playing with him, instead of being a little ass. Pete is a big baby, and would never deliberately hurt anybody. Pete and Parker have rolled around on the ground, and Pete being a male,  would always try and hump Parker. We kept telling Parker not to roll around on the ground or put himself in a position for Pete to hump, but one day, Parker didn't listen, which is the norm for him, and Pete scratched him. So we had Pete neutered and he doesn't hump anymore, but they are always calling Pete next door and Parker picks on him.

On Sunday, Parker was walking Cam up and down the road and Pete ran down to play with Parker and Cam. The rest of the story is hearsay.... Pete supposedly jumped Parker and was trying to get to Cam. Parker started screaming and kicking Pete. Jeff ran and started kicking Pete and hitting him and pulled Pete off of Parker. Apparently the situation was so loud, that the neighbor across the woods came to investigate. When I opened the door to call Pete and So in, Jeff was standing on my porch and he told me to get Pete or he was going to kill him. He said that Pete had jumped Parker and scratched him really badly under his arm and all down his side and he had a busted lip. I apologized and brought Pete inside.

A few minutes later, Jeff came back and apologized for being rude, and I told him that I certainly understood his being upset and I'm sure Pete wasn't trying to hurt Parker, he was just wanting to play, and I believe this. If Pete were vicious, he would have hurt or killed Sophia.... we would never trust him with Phoenix.... and as badly as it hurts to say.... he would not still be here. He could have badly hurt Parker on many occasions, but Pete IS NOT VICIOUS!! While Jeff and I were still talking, Parker walked in with no shirt on. I asked him to let me see how badly he was hurt.... he turned and raised his arm. OMG!! OMG!! There were two very tiny scratches under his arm and there was a little place on his lip, you could barely see it. Those tiny scratches could not have been made by Pete and they actually did not look recent, there was very little bleeding. I honestly think that Parker started yelling at Pete and kicking him and Cam scratched him trying to climb up on his shoulder. JEFF LIED TO MY FACE IN MY HOUSE!! This was blown out of proportion and as usual Pete gets the blame. Even though Ronnie has repeatedly told Parker to leave Pete alone and we have asked him not to run or roll around with Pete, HE DOES NOT LISTEN!!

Mindy called on Monday and said that Meredith had been very rude to her, when she came over to get Pete, AFTER THEY CALLED HIM OVER!! Actually she ignored Mindy and told Pete for them to get home before he gets in trouble again. Jeff told Justin that he was upset because Ronnie had not called and apologized.... what is he.... a girl? Jeff also told Justin that if we don't keep Pete up and there is another incident.... they are going to call animal control. ANIMAL CONTROL.... will not give us a warning, Pete is a Pit and there is an incident involving a child.... THEY WILL PUT MY BABY DOWN!! He is not vicious.... he is not aggressive.... he is a big baby and he just wanted to play.

Well.... I am finished with them and all of their drama and Mindy always making trouble!! I have been letting the pups out during the day when Parker is in school, but let them out on the patio until they all go back inside. It's getting cooler, so pretty soon, we will not see them at all. They can stay in their yard and we will stay here in ours. I do not intent to play nice and smile and play pat-a-cake and kissy ass.... oh hell no.... they better just stay home.

I've got news for them.... the land they travel on to get to their home, is mine!! I have granted them ingress and egress into their property and I can make it very difficult for them to get home!! Don't push me.... don't threaten me or mine.... stay the hell away from here and we will do the same.

Oh yeah.... Ronnie did call Jeff and they talked. Ronnie got the impression that what I say happened, actually did happen, and that Parker is blowing everything out of proportion. He hasn't actually said everything that was discussed, but it doesn't matter to me.... I do not want any harm to come to them and I will still pray for them.... but I AM THROUGH....

New Relationships

I'm not sure what the title of this page should be. Through the loss of my dear friend, Wendell.... I was able to connect with two of his sons, Kent and Jesse and his wife, Melissa.

It's strange though.... I had no idea that Wendell had a FB page, we could have been able to communicate more. Kent accepted my friend request almost immediately, and I was able to put a face to the name. He looks so much like his dad, only he is a bigger man. Maybe we can connect in some way. Haven't heard from Melissa or Jesse, but I think Jesse will be the one to have the hardest time. Wendell was so proud of Jesse, and so in love. He had his daddy's heart.

I was able to see a picture of Melissa and to see an up-dated picture of Jesse. He is a very nice looking young man, he has dark hair and dark eyes, not Wendell's coloring, but he has his look.

I have a copy of Wendell's obituary and some pictures from Kent's FB page. The oldest picture of Wendell was the Wendell I remember and the man I will always remember. He was always so sure of himself, like my Ronnie. The second picture was of Wendell, Jesse and Kent, they were standing in front of a mantle that was decorated with candles and flowers, some type of ceremony or celebration. The third picture really hurts my heart. It's a more recent picture of Wendell and Jesse, and you can see how ill Wendell was.

We have our hope planted firmly in Jesus Christ, and we know that our loved ones, who are children of the King, have been changed. There is "no more night, no more pain," and we will one day be reunited.

Praise the Lord....