Nobody has read my blog in ever so long, so I would love to be able to say exactly what I feel, but you never know, there may be that one person who may just happen to read it. So, I will be nice, but OMG!! it's gonna kill me.
"I'm through.... trust me." I just heard these words a few minutes ago. Is this a warning.... a threat? All that I actually feel is.... RAGE!! I have seen the signs before and I have been here before. I did not like it then and I sure as hell, don't like it now!! I have been diagnosed with OCD and Anger Issues. They actually call it a form of depression, but I don't get depressed and cry or withdraw. I get angry, not just mad. but ANGRY! I know the exact reasons for all of the anger, but I'm not posting them here. I will say this.... I am very vocal and straight forward, I don't clam up or bury my feelings deep inside.... I say it and I get it out. I'm sure this is part of the reason that I have been here before and may possibly be going through all of this again. Only, there will never be a next time. I was pushed into my murderous rages before and people were physically injured, but they survived. Not this time.... I WILL NOT roll over.... I WILL NOT go quietly. I am much older and I am in bad health, but I WILL NOT be blamed for a bunch of bullshit.
I WILL fight back.... I WILL go into a black murderous rage, as I have in the past, and.... I WILL hurt somebody and their survival is questionable. I'm positive they will not recover and be the person they were at one time.
Don't you dare threaten me. Don't you dare give me a reason to doubt your honesty. DON'T PUSH ME!! I am so sick of the condescending attitude.... get your act together. You know, without a shadow of a doubt, that there have been many things beyond my control. Things that would have killed a weaker person and I did my best to fight and overcome, but I had to give in to the inevitable.
But this.... I WILL NOT tolerate! I WILL NOT give in or give up!
From this moment on.... whatever happens is of your doing.... not mine. It's your choice....
TO THE END.... TO THE DEATH!! TRUST ME!!